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*stretch*

It's been way too long since my last post, and as each day, the pressure seems to mount for me to write about something significant.

Rising to the occasion, today's post is all about embarrassment. Specifically, the actions we guys take when someone points out that our fly is open.

Why is it that AFTER someone points it out, we turn away, (walk even) zip up, then return to the group?

Shouldn't the undone zipper be the source we should be ashamed of, and not the zipping process itself? Why can't we proudly look our perceptive acquaintance in the eye, smile like there's no tomorrow, and zip up!?

Important questions

I was recently on a business trip to Singapore and was holed up in a neat (but overpriced) hotel called the Swissotel. As I munched on my American breakfast, fully equipped with both coffee AND orange juice, I had an epiphany.

The sunlight streaming in must have illuminated my stunned face as I asked this to myself; "Which is worse? Having a good hot cup of coffee go cold on you, or a good cold orange juice go warm?"

I sat there for a few minutes, paralyzed because I could not decide which drink to focus on. Life really can get tricky on you when you least expect it.

From that day on, I vowed to order one after the other. I suggest that you do to. ;)

Dreams to order

About a week ago I had an amazingly cinematographic dream. Without going into too much detail, it involved transformer like robots, crazy chase scenes and some pretty spectacular camera work. Needless to say, I had fun. =)

Perhaps already covered in sci-fi films, I was thinking it would be awful cool if someone could first figure out a way to find out what really influences dreams. From that, an invention could be made to create the dreams you really want!

The feeling of waking up after a great dream really is special. Imagine if you could pre-program yourself to dream a specific scene up.

I'd say it would probably look like a pair of VR goggles you strap on before bed time. Play a 5 minute clip to condition yourself, then remove them before bed. Next thing you know, you're romping through Mayan ruins with Angelina Jolie.

Sweet.

Story #10 - Lovemonster

This story stemmed from the words 'love monster', which I heard somewhere. This might be the most random and nonsensical of my stories, but it was fun writing it. ;)

-.-
Lovemonsters are rare and passive creatures. As a species, they’re not as popular as their more violent brethren; trolls, basilisks, dragons and orcs. We believe this could be attributed to their lack of ability to inflict mortal wounds. Non-confrontational, they tend to attack only in territorial disputes. When the rare fights occur, the action is swift. Exchanges of hugs are followed with a flurry of kisses. The clear loser bows out of the fight by emitting a series of yelps. To the untrained ear, it comes across like a whine. However, seasoned hunters are adamant that it sounds like giggling.
-.-

Divine message?

After a scrabble session with Rose at La Bodega, these were the final tiles I had in my hand. While Weeq sounds like 'week', I prefer to see it as someone up there asking me to 'Try Weed', JUST CAUSE.

I wonder how much of the world's religious texts were interpreted in this manner. ;)

Desperados

On the road earlier, I saw a car with a bumper sticker that read:

"Lose weight. Ask me how. 016 xxxxxx"

This was the second car on the road that I've had the 'fortune' to see. Those signs, alongside the ones that go "Lasik Surgery. Call 012 xxxxxx" spring forth 3 powerful words in my mind.

WHAT THE F@CK?

I'm going to play advertising snob now; the guys doing these kinda ads have as much marketing sense as a Malaysian political party placing up banners of their leaders hugging the elderly. I'm sorely tempted to call those numbers just to see what they have to say. After letting them ramble, I'll probably ask how many customers do they really get from calls like mine.

Then, I'd like to know if those callers are:
a) clinically insane
b) suicidal
c) have the mental capacity of a toddler
d) are so lonely in life that they're just dying to chat to anyone
e) any combination of the above

Bad habits

Everyone has bad habits. Yes you Mr/Ms "gold digga". ;)

However, it's quite often that we don't really notice them ourselves. From my personal archive, there was once when I was in a cinema and got a sudden nudge from this uncle beside me. "Excuse me, plis don shake yur leg can ah". Holy nuts!! I didn't even realize I was doing that! I then apologised. . . . . . after I shook it one more time for effect. ;)

Now leg shaking is a small thing really. However, what if some of the baddest things that happen around us is an equivalent habit that those people don't realize? What's the limit of how bad a bad habit can get? What's the next level of a bad habit? a Badder habit? Ultimate Evilllllll?

The essence of Funny

Something I never really bothered to think about until the other day. I received this link which had a list of some incredibly hilarious stuff, and some not so funny. It occurred to me then to question what was it that made those things so humorous!

Would your preference of humour depend on:

1) Genetics aka your parents (blame everything on them)
- Not too sure about this one. My parents still laugh at Chinese serials while I cringe.

2) Your childhood peers
- Coupled with the fact that it's these years where you develop the foundation of your psyche, it's probably an era where you feel even more inclined to be socially accepted. Through conditioning, you'd find funny what your closest buddies then find funny too.

3) The type of entertainment you had available
- Growing up with cable and MTV WILL have an effect on you. And we wonder why Americans bother filming Scary Movie 452.

4) The amount of sunshine you had
- Well with photosynthe... nah.

How do Evil Masterminds recruit?

After watching enough movies, you start wondering about silly things. The latest to cross my mind was after watching "Planet Terror", an awesome Quentin Tarantino flick. That, and pretty much any other movie with a lead villain has to have his henchmen.

Like my title says, how the heck do these baddies recruit? Perhaps they could:

1) Register at Jobstreet.com and post the following
"Full time employee wanted. Preferably only PMR level education (maximum). Males should be 6 footers and well built. Females with modeling careers are encouraged to apply. No initiative spirit needed, but must love team work. Applicants cannot be allergic or adverse to metal, grease, canvas, blood, Rambo. A short but once in a lifetime experience awaits you!"

2) Pose as border police and 'persuade' all foreign illegals to join them

3) Recruit direct from government authorities

Exercising humour

With the help of icanhascheezburger.com, I created this yesterday (the captions). If you're unfamiliar with why it's written that way, please Google 'lolspeak'. It's hilarious!

I was quite proud of my creation and showed it off to a friend. Her feedback was that it was 'okay'. Recovering from my burst ego, I realized she was right! I could do better captions! So here we gooooo.

1) I'm in ur bukkits, etting ur lefovers.
2) U LIE! U ONY KONT TO 3!
3) Jamp on in. Waterz fien!
4) Wat u meen dis not doilet?
5) Is 2 dollah per howre. Want?
6) Me bukkit si su bukkit.

Mat Motor Mania

If you're a driver around KL, you might've noticed this. Anytime you run into a bunch of Mat Motors, they seem to know nearly every other rider. Whether they're stopping by the side of the road to hide from the rain, traffic lights, or even while riding, you keep seeing them talking to each other.

Flawed assumptions time!
1) Motorcyclists are friendlier people
2) Companies that sell motorcycles aggressively promote 'Friend Get Friend' deals
3) Natural abilities include Small Talk, and Sound Filtering
4) Riding solo all the time makes you so lonely you'll talk to anyone
5) They're all part of a secret social network that only riders get access to at the cost of being bound to ride for all eternity (agenda unknown...)

Wastrels

This is a 2 in 1 vent. If you're living in KL and read the papers fairly regularly, you'd probably have heard of the extravagant proposal this young dude did on a massive billboard a month back. If you haven't, it's simply his mug shot and him holding up a ring asking his girl to marry him. The estimated cost was RM 40,000 for the spot.

Unanimously, every girl I've spoken to has said what a dumbass he was. He should've just blown the cash on a bigger ring / better holiday / a downpayment for a house / car / taste?

Now the 2nd biggest waste is by a brand called 'Brands'. Great position on the Federal Highway, no doubt costing them heaps, plus what looked like good production values. They bothered to have a headline, but with all that space, they decided to put the words "Oh, Brands".

Yep. That's it. Some people just need to be shot.

Story #9 - Last Song

The seed of this one hit me as I was listening to the radio. I know that there's 'virtually' unlimited variations of how music can sound, but imagine if it was finite. Since music is really something special amongst man, perhaps the end of everything begins with the last song? ;)

-.-

One day, far into the future, there appeared a man who claimed he had the last song in the world. Most laughed and ignored him. Others jeered and taunted. However, his agenda wasn’t to gather followers. Satisfied that the very last person heard his claim, he sat down with man’s first instrument and began to sing. Around the world, people paused and strained their ears, wondering what it was they heard in the wind; What feeling was it they felt on their skin. As the final note rang, tears streamed down their smiling faces. They knew they were being called.

-.-

Beautiful people

My definition for beautiful people here will be 'people that exhibit physical qualities that are above average and are desirable to the majority of the specific society'. What a mouthful, but with a word like 'beauty', it's best to get everyone on the same page. =)

Now civilization has been around for a long time and in each age and/or culture, there are always those identified as 'beautiful'. I shall conveniently blame Westernization for the onset of increased pressure for people to become 'beautiful'. This practice has obviously spread eastward, as the rest of the developing world joins in this massive beauty pageant.

So we have:
1) The pressures and standards of beauty increasing
2) The near-instantaneous communication of it, across multiple society's
3) The increased production and availability of products that 'make you beautiful'

Which leads me to my million ringgit question (about USD 310k now haha).

Are there more beautiful people in the world today?
If a bunch of cavemen thought 20% of their cave-dwellers were beautiful, would we coke-light-sipping first-worlders find more than that amount to be qualified as beautiful?

I'm tempted to say no, simply because standards have gone increasingly higher, but we aren't exactly X-men'ing our evolution into beauty. However, thank the many advances of science for cosmetics, Botox, collagen, and boob jobs.

So what do you think?

The Mist

As testament to how this mysterious universe works, I 'impulse' watched a movie today. I had a choice between Stephen King's 'The Mist' or the new John Cusack 'The Martian Child'. The mysterious poster sold me the former. (Yes I am a sucker for book covers too)

Why the mystery? Just last night, I posted about Fear vs Joy. Thanks universe, you've got amazing timing. This movie did a fantastic job of highlighting how fear affects people.

*Warning: Spoilers ahead*

As a concept, it is rather B-Grade. In a nutshell, the story is simply about a gateway to a parallel universe (demonic of course) opened up in a little town, and a great mist envelops everything. From the mist comes a slew of pretty nasty, but awfully cool looking creatures. Kudos to the director for maintaining that 'mystery' feel for some of the larger/ interesting buggers. Then on, the story revolves around the people stuck in a grocery store, and what happens to them both psychologically and physically.

You'll find well demonstrated situations of personal sacrifice, regret, religious extremism, small mindedness, simple mindedness, and other aspects of human emotions. A particularly memorable line is when a woman goes "But aren't people inherently good? We're a civilized society!" The reply she gets was "Yeah, as long as the machines are working and you can call 911". I completely agree with that.

Do go and watch it; if anything to see the cool monsters. Bewarned though. The writer is a sadist, cause the ending of the movie seems like a big f*ck you to all those that love happy endings. However, it's a nice touch. There's way too many happy endings anyway. ;)

Fear vs Joy

The subject of motivation interests me. According to Tony Robbins, there's only 2 base motivators, which are:
1) Toward pleasure
2) Away from pain

I realized that the words can easily be replaced with two more familiar ones; Fear and Joy. My question is, which of the two is more powerful? Is there even an answer to that? Here's what I think.

It's a common statement that 'everyone is insecure' inside. This is of course, a gross generalization. However, from the many people I've met, and being in the business of 'persuading' people that they're incomplete without my product, I believe the statement reflects the majority. I also believe that people are creatures of habit, and that change happens at a glacial pace, rather than sweeping personal revolutions. (this I reserve for another post)

Perhaps overly simplistic, my argument rests on these two points alone. If you're predisposed to being insecure, and being human, unlikely to change that very quickly (and not with some severe discomfort involved), fear would be the more powerful of the two. How many times have we decided to do something because the alternative could represent pain (for us and/or others).

Have a think about the decisions you've made. I for one have made quite a few based on fear. It's not necessarily bad, depending on the situation, but sit and ponder how releasing the feeling of joy feels, and how 'true' it is to make a move towards that.

I will strive to make more of those calls in life. =)

Our natural state

For the first time ever, I was in a cinema watching a movie all by myself. I mean ALONE alone. For some strange reason, no one bought a single ticket to todays 'Dan In Real Life' at 12.20pm. It was a great experience.

15 minutes into the show, I realized that there wasn't anyone else about to come in, my mind started going wild. I felt like doing stupid things like standing up and watching the movie, run around the isles, jump from seat to seat, sit upside down even. (I did a few of these, but I won't mention which)

After that, I wondered if this was our natural state? Absolute ape-shit silliness. I probably wouldn't have even thought of those those things if there was another person in there, but being totally unsupervised, it's scary what your mind can come up in in a cinema... imagine if you were in an amusement park! or say... a candy store!

I guess it goes to show how much of a Superego we have (thanks Freud). If we all behaved in our natural state all the time, I think there wouldn't be a cinema for us to go ape-shit in. Now that would be a bummer.

ps. The movie was great. Steve Carell is the man. He's funny even when he's not trying.

Karmic thoughts

On the way to work today, I saw a really ugly person. (I can hear the boos and hisses, but don't you dare tell me that you've never had those thoughts!)

As soon as "Damn that person's ugly" crossed my mind, thanks to social conditioning, I felt a little guilty. Just a little. That person really was ugly.

Then my mind decided to do a little more leg work and started thinking about karma, and how if we do bad things, bad things happen to us right? (I'm a believer btw!) So what happens if you're constantly thinking bad thoughts like that?

If I get this right, the logic goes:
If you do bad things, bad things happen to you in the future.
If you think bad things... people tend to think badly of you in the future?

My argument against that is, it's not as if I focussed my mind on thinking nasty things; It just happens! I think before I... 'think'.

So... will karma work in this situation? Or does it only apply to the physical realm?..

What the f*ck am I smoking?

I just woke up 10 minutes ago from a bizarre dream I had. For some reason, it's sticking very well, so I shall transcribe what happened.

The time was late evening.. and for some reason, I was wandering around the grounds of a police/ military base camp (i somehow knew this). I walked along muddy grounds for quite abit, recalling crossing a hill, a field, and living quarters.

Finally, I stumbled on a florist, run by an old chinese guy. I walk into his shop, which was bustling considering that time of the day, and I proceeded to look at his stuff. Suddenly, Shirren, an old friend whom I've not seen in awhile taps me on the shoulder and asks what am I doing here, and if I was alright. Evidently, she claims that I met up with a mutual friend a week ago, and that I was severely depressed.

As she said it, I felt like it was true, and that was the purpose for me being in that florist store. I knew this because I believed that the florist had flowers that had remedial qualities. So I acknowledged Shirren's claim, but assured her that I was now fine.

Then I turned to look at more of his wares. On the shelf were these two pots of flowers that I don't even think exist for real. What strikes me now is how vividly coloured they were. One was a vine like plant, with bright golden leaves. I somehow knew that they instilled good emotions such as happiness, etc. Next to it were flowers I can't really remember how it looked, but I vividly remember the rich purple colour. They, I knew, were for getting rid of depression.

Then I wander off outside to come across a separate segment of the store, which was in an elevated platform. In there, strangely were two of my friends, Hwe and Ashraf (who dont' know each other in real life). They were discussing the potential of Hwe's idea for a horror story for young readers. Hwe proceeds to tell me that the plot is loosely based on how these mysterious books just magically show up in the houses of this group of friends (and how something bad happens after). I nodded my consent of how good the idea was, thought "Damn, why didn't I think of that" and went back down to the main store.

There, I notice that an ex-colleague Corrinne was there getting approval for a diaper commercial (but she didn't handle that part of the business in real life). After this, the dream sputters off and dies.

If you're convinced I'm on crack, that makes two of us. However, I do have a few points to make:

1) Nothing EVER seems strange to you (well, me at least) in a dream. No matter how whacked out it is, it's just another day in the life of.

2) The story in the dream seems to skip. While seemingly random, it does follow a certain linear path. Either I don't remember the complete path, or like a bad DVD, the story jumps from one vivid scene to another along that path.

3) Dreams ARE in colour. Just in selective areas. I had this discussion with a friend on this because I never really could 100% for sure say if I dreamed in colour. Taking this and past dreams, colours mostly seem grey'ish or so hazy I can't really tell. However, I'm certain of the two colours those flowers were.

p.s. I recall now that I made it a point to get that old chinese dude to pack the yellow flowers for me. ;)

Feng Shui Schmengshui Part 2

So I really did it. Moved my big mess of a bed, and 3 cabinets around so a supposedly better position; as in, NOT situated in the north west corner of the room. This was awhile ago.

Today my uncle, a firm believer in Feng Shui, pops by for CNY and comes up to take a look. Turns out I got it all wrong!!!!!

His solution; Rearrange everything so that the bed is in the middle of the room (hey, I live in a typical double story terrace house. gimme a break).

This had better work...

Story #8 - Chemical imbalance

This story started out with a different idea, but with 100 words, it was kinda hard to convey the original thought. So this one's slightly off-brief, but thought I'd put it down anyway. =)

-.-

She met him on a day that seemed like the worst. Down on her luck with her new work project, he provided some much needed perspective of things. Over dinner, he made her forget the ugliness of life and with a smile; he made things all worthwhile. Ah love.

He was told she was struggling with her project. He felt as clueless, but the way she listened so attentively, she made him feel like a real hero. Over drinks, the way she laughed at all his jokes, he felt like he won the Oscar for best comedic performance. Ah love.

-.-

Nauseating emotions

Not too long ago, I was in an emotionally charged situation. You can probably relate; certain emotions, like fear, grief or anger produce physiological effects on you. The extreme of which is the feeling of nausea.

It then occurred to me that it seems like it's mostly negative emotions that can lead you to have such a feeling. At least I've not really heard of any cases where someone was so happy they barfed.

"Baby, I love you. Will you marry me?"

"Oh oh oh! Of course I *gulp gulp snort wraaaaaagghh*... do"

When shit happens

I got into an accident today on the way to work. It was on a road that I had never taken before, and when I turned the corner, the woman in front of me slammed her brakes. While my brakes seemed to work fine, the car skidded right into her Perdana. Bugger.

When shit happens, you tend to question why. Why the hell was I on that road? Why the hell was the traffic so fucked? Why the hell didn't my wheels grip the damn road?

Even though the situation has been settled (with me now RM500 poorer) it still eats me inside. My mom told me some chinese saying about 'money out blocks bad luck' or something like that. I sure hope she's right.

Sigh. What a start to the new years. Bugger.

or, is this the 'grand finale' of bad luck for my previous year? (by the Chinese calendar anyway!)

Now there's a silver lining.. =\

Psychic thoughts strike again!

It must be the position of the moon or something cause things are just getting weird.

One of my favourite cartoonists is this guy called Scott Meyer. You can find his work, Basic Instructions, at www.basicinstructions.net. The title of his comic is pretty self-explanatory.

So yeah, I was thinking about his work this morning and wondering if it was 'that' easy to create a kick-ass comic. I figured that with a title like Basic Instructions, you could pretty write about just anything! You could write a funny piece about how to spot a Star Wars fan.

You guessed it. I got home today and opened his site to see if he has published anything new, and BAM!

http://www.basicinstructions.net/2008/01/how-to-decide-which-star-wars-character.html

Again, not exactly on the mark, but holy nuts. =\

Getting actors to look...

I was listening to the promos of the new movie Cloverfield on the radio today. Btw, if you've not seen the trailer is pretty awesome. (like all of them seem to be huh?)

Something occurred to me as they were discussing it. Imagine if a monster movie had an actor/s that couldn't really get the look of terror right. What would he have to tell them to inspire that look?

"You've got a 100 foot monster tearing his way towards you!" - nah

"The person next to you just got his head bitten off, and he's still running!" - nope

"Starbucks just ran out of low fat milk!" - *shockgaspyelp*

"Britney Spears has ditched singing to open up a kindergarden!" - *GEAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHAEEEIIIIIIMOOTHAAAAFUKKKKAAAAAAAA*

Feng Shui Schmengshui

My ex-colleagues will insist that I'm a walking germ. I suppose it's time to 'fess up and admit that there's really something wrong with me. For some reason, despite the healthy living, I tend to fall sick often. Even more so now that I'm in this new agency.

It's frustrating. Believe me. I've consulted various doctors, but you get the standard schpiel about getting enough sleep, vitamins, exercise. Blablabla. Today, one finally asked about my sleeping position! "Draw me your room layout", she says. I was amused, so I entertained her request.

Turns out that it's fine, so she just said to "try sleeping with your head in this direction instead". Right.

I get home and relay this to my mom and she enthusiastically whips out her Lilian Too book and points to this page that says if my room was in the northwest part of the house, and/or that if my bed is in the northwest part of the room, I've got an evil star on me.

Guess what? I've got a double whammy. So... seeing that I can't bloody well move my room, I'll readjust my bed this weekend, and we'll see what happens. I'm running out of options here!!!

4:50

The most interesting thing happened in my dreams last night.

The dream itself wasn't spectacular; I was driving around PJ trying to arrange lunch with an ex-colleague on my mobile. There was a thunderstorm, and we were having difficulty thinking of a place to go. Then I glanced at my watch, it was kinda late for lunch.. about 4:50pm.

I was then awakened by something, so I stumbled to the toilet anyway to take a piss. Back to my pillow, I groggily wondered what time it was. Interestingly enough, it was 4:57am.

While not exactly accurate, it was so uncanny that my dream time for some strange reason coordinated itself with reality. (at least numerically, if not the actual time of day) Now this could mean a few things:

1) Like how a PC still tells the same time after being shut down, you have some kinda clock running.
2) Since I sleep with my phone beside me, could it be possible that some things 'jump'? (if this is true, what's the determinant that makes whatever it is, 'jump'?)

I shall be experimenting in the next few nights.

Rituals

Yesterday I attended the wedding of my former boss. In the morning, they had the church procession and at night, the usual Chinese dinner. While this post might seem as 'doh', what struck me during that day was how important rituals are... and how I have taken them for granted.

I suppose I've never really thought so much about the significance of the many different things we do. From weddings, religion, family and virtually every aspect of your life, you perform rituals. I tend to think that it is the inherent intent that is most important... but could it be that without the ritual to bind it, it would be meaningless?

For example; the wedding vow is simply the ritual that seals the commitment that the two people have already chosen to make. The act of asking your parents to 'eat' before a meal is a ritual display of filial piety. Not having it there wouldn't mean that I didn't love my parents, but removing it would certainly have some negative effect.

Next time you catch yourself doing something 'automatically', have a think on it.

Story #7 - Struck

It's funny how some things start. Be it life or stories, (it's one and the same isn't it?) things have a peculiar way of taking the course that you least expect. This story tells of an end, and the potential of a beginning. May 2008 be the start of something big for you, as I feel it will be for me. Happy New Year. =)

-.-
People always say that ‘time flies’ when you’re having fun. As my life flashed before my eyes, I wasn’t too sure if I was having any. My body was on autopilot as I approached the person across the street from me. Friends used to tease me with the phrase ‘Wai Hai Sei’; crude, but interestingly literal at this point. What was it about her? I can’t really say, but she wasn’t a bad sight for the last thing you’d see. What I do know is that I don’t want it to end this way. Can I make you a bargain?
-.-